perspective

have you ever got the feeling that at a particular moment, that a particular situation had took a change of direction, well that is how i feel about a certain situation in my life, life nothing will ever be the same, and it is really bothering me, but at the end of the day there is nothing that I can do about it. Sigh.... kinda ending this year on an off note, and its so crazy because to me i started it on an amazing note, i remember bringing in the new year with a special someone at church and boy did i have a great experience, made me friends, got a good word, heard good music, i couldn't have brought in the year any different. The month of feb things started to get really hard because i had to say good bye to someone and things just took a tumble from there, and i have been trying to pick myself back up ever since. Don't get me wrong i have come a LONG way since then, but for some reason i just seem stuck in this hole that wants to consume me, and some days I want to let it, but the fighter in me won't let it.

360 FULL CIRCLE

today i read my 1st post that i ever wrote and damn I have came full circle, back where i started but under different circumstances, its just so much is happening at once, and don't get me wrong i consider myself to be a strong person but dang, i feel myself slowly cutting off from everything and everyone, and its sad, because the people that want to help me and be there for me, i push them the furthest away. I think its time that i just try and regroup, sometimes i wish that life was kind of like the movie " equilbrium" and everyone had to get their daily shots, emotions are a beautiful thing but they can also destroy and corrupt a human being. Sigh............. its crazy one of the main things that is bothering me, involves someone that I should be able to talk to but i can't, because its like i already know what they are going to say, and i refuse to accept that answer.

mystery man

my dreams have been very interesting lately, they have been consumed with a mystery man, i don't really know how to honestly describe him, but last night in my dreams, he was wearing dark gray sweatpants with a black wife beater and a black hoodie, usually in my other dreams his face is covered by some type of mask, but in this dream the hoodie did the trick. The thing that really attracts me to this man, is that he is able to make me feel certain ways without even the slightest physical touch. Im not quite sure how to describe it, but have you ever had the sound of someones voice or the way they look at you send a tingle throughout your body, well he does that too me. It's almost as if he is making love to my mind or soul. In my dreams his presence gives off this massive security blanket and his touch is strong but gentle. He's never in a rush always takes his time, to make sure that I experience and appreciate our moment.