Turning Point

9/30-10/1 Has truly been a turning point in my life. Just when i thought i had everything figured out, life throws a curve ball. All one can do is try to pick themselves back on and just continue to move forward. But where does forward even take you or better yet which way is forward. I'm confused beyond belief right now, a person that i thought i could trust, that i thought cared, has truly disappointed me. Im guess im so surprised and it really hurts, because i actually thought i had found someone who was different. Silly rabbit tricks are for kids and Love is for fairy tales. I hope one day late in life my perspective on this changes but for now ill just sit here in the dark and try to enjoy the silence

GOD IS GOOD

GOD IS GOOD! Is the only proper way to start off this blog regardless of whatever outside circumstances might surround me. Today I was on the phone with 4 different companies in reference to employment. Im thankful because I'm being given an opportunity that many are not able to have and I plan on maximzinig this to the best of my advantage.

Vent

I havent been this mad in a minute and I don't see myself calming down anytime soon, sigh.... I won't let this or anyone get the best of me, watching Dexter has taught me that there is a monster within all of us, but you must come to accept it and make friends with it, or you will forever be in a never-ending battle. Sometimes in order to not get hurt you must hurt others in the process, as cold as that sounds, I'm tired of self scarfing my happiness for others. It's time for a change of scenery and people, I can do this, I have to, I don't have a choice

two words

two words:

FAR AWAY....................

Description #3

background music: " Retired in 2009"
atmosphere: bedroom ( lights on, chillen in the bed)
mood: calm
feeling: relaxed
last thought: WAIT; while you are waiting focus on yourself
solution: pray
backup solution: do things that make MEGAN happy
pet peeve: letting others take advantage of my kindness
wish: that everything falls into place
need: to have a conversation with a particular person
want: to be healthy and happy
vibe: feeling out of place

Random #2

Trying to find the courage to ask him to move in with me

random

so today out of the blue i came up with the idea of " if i can't be with you, where would i be happy without you", and i know that is interesting on so many levels and honestly i can't even tell you where that came from, but what i can say, is i did figure out the answer to the second half. So with that said, i'm trying to put A LOT of things in motion so that i can get to this particular place :), lol my family always told me i was like water, i go where ever the current takes me. I'm recently learning that you must truly value something while you have it, because when its gone, there's no telling if you will ever get it back again. Will I get back what i lost? (yes), Will i get it back right now? ( probably not). lol that is just the way the cookie crumbles. i can't believe that graduation is so close around  the corner, yea, a start to a new chapter. :)

Excited

OMG ma dukes, the nephew, and auntie is coming through today. That means lots of laughs, home cook meals, and so many other exciting things. Yea me and the nephew can play on the ps3 and do other crazy stuff while he is here, I might even let him pet caro (lol)

Description #2

background music: start it up
atmosphere: living room ( chillen on the couch with all lights on)
mood:  apathetic
feeling: " don't care"
last thought: need to get motivated
solution: pray
backup solution: write till my fingers hurt
pet peeve: not understanding the meaning to " relationships"
wish: i could get away from everything
need: a friend
want: my nephew
vibe: test of faith

Could it be, no it can't be LOL

so something hit me the other day while i was laying in bed, I think I might just be in love OMG

jan 21 - jan 24

AMAZING WEEKEND! THANK YOU BRUCE :)

dust myself off and try again

Sigh.... So rejection is the worst but it is apart of life. Today I was completely honest with someone only to have my honesty rejected. I don't want to say that I give up, but I am tired of trying to achieve something that doesn't seem to be in my reach. Its crazy because I know that I could be a blessing to someone, oh well guess I will be a blessing to myself cause right now that is truly all I have in my corner is myself, my wall is up higher than ever now and as good as it sounds I don't want anyone to penetrate it, tired of getting hurt, I just need time to heal

on my mind

It really bothers me when I am upfront and honest with other ppl but they are not upfront and honest with me in return. Its like I could respect the situation more had you not lied about it, but at the end of the day its not about me its about the baby and I honestly hope that she decides to keep it because no life should be taken prematurely from this world. Sigh..... When a good girl goes bad she is gone forever :(

marching to my own beat

So i was recently proven wrong in a particular situation in my life and I'm happy that I was. It is true that good things come to those who wait, and I have been waiting patiently. Things are about to get hectic lately, school and work start hard core next week, so I have to be on m p's and q's, so that I can walk proudly across that stage in may. I guess its time to go in ghost mode, from everyone else but the important people. Also I need to decided where I am moving after my lease is up, i honestly have a lot of options, but the question is what is going to be the best move for me and for the future that I hope to have one day. My mom is really rooting for me to move to Charlotte, and i understand why, she really misses her daughter and would love for me to be back in the vincity. Problem is I'm trying to do my own thing and want to stand on my own two feet so like I said we will see, and then of course I have always wanted to stay near the water, so Virgina Beach is always looking extra sexy. Other half of my family wants me to move to SC, so yea as you can see I am being pulled in many directions.

in my bed

so i'm sitting here chillen in my bed, my stomach hurts, i'm hoping that the pain will go away soon, because its starting to get to me a little bit. Today was a little bit of an eye opener for me, found out some interesting news from someone, and whats crazy is, i joked about it like it would happen, but i never thought that it actually would. In all honesty im happy for the person though, they really do deserve the happiness that they are receiving right now, and i hope it last. In reference to myself, i have some pretty big decisions that I need to make, because the clock is ticking. I'm glad that i allowed myself to have options, im just not sure which option to choose, because of different factors and elements. At the end of the day, everyone says " Megan do what is best for you and is going to make you happy", well with that said, i would like to have the best of both worlds, the location and the person, but of course life doesn't work that way and who am I to try to go against the natural law of things. I guess in the words of John Legend " Heaven Only Knows "