8/23/2010

Lol its so funny, I use to be really against stuff like this, but now I see it as just a way to vent and to share yourself with others. I decided to start doing this because something drastic happen in my life recently and Im trying to cope with the loss of a love one. I'm hoping through this storm that I will be able to develope a better relationship with GOD. Last Saturday I talked to GOD, like i never had before. I literally dropped down to my knees and laid myself before the Lord, in my most vulnerable form. I mean tears, snot, the whole nine. And I really poured out my heart to GOD and just really talked to him, and I mean I think that was my first time really talking to him. Don't get me wrong I have prayed before but this time was different, genuine desires and longings, and pain and every other emotion emitted itself out of me. I use to think that my prayers fell on deaf ears, but not last Saturday, I felt like it was just me and GOD communicating for the first time.  Its true sometimes GOD has to break you down, before you can truly realize who he is. I'm not going to lie and say that today I am just completely healed and me and GOD are the best of friends. NO, it takes time patience, understanding, trust, love and so many other elements. I may not be GOD's best friend yet, but im closer to him than I was before Saturday. And I may not be completely healed of my pain, but I don't hurt as much as i could be if I didn't have him in my life. To anyone who is reading this, life is NOT a microwave, you can't just set a timer for a minute and then everything is ready to go. It's more like a slow cooker, it takes time to develope, but the finishing product is so worth it...... Anyway this is one of MANY post to come, I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you follow me on my journey of loving GOD, loving MYSELF, and loving LIFE.